Life needs to be hilarious. Life is actually hilarious by any means. Even our
expectations or dreams what we have to may seem hilarious tomorrow. This is a
collection of hilarious quotes and sayings.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. - Oscar Wilde
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. Lesson is, never try. -
Homer Simpson
Where there's a will, there's a relative. - Ricky Gervais
Let's pray that the human race never escapes Earth to spread its iniquity
elsewhere. - C.S. Lewis
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its
pants on. - Winston S. Churchill
Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go. - George R.R. Martin
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri
Martin
Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.
- Urban Saying
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get
the warm feeling that it brings. - Robert Bloch
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until
they speak. - Steven Wright
Two passing jetliners reported to controllers they’d seen a man with a gun
seated on a deck chair at eleven thousand feet. - Tom Magliozzi
The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do the dishes. -
Urban Saying
Don’t tempt the scorpion if you don’t want to get stung. - Colleen Hoover
The majority of boys think the highest form of creativity is weeing a pattern
into snow. - Beth Garrod
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that
way. -Urban Saying
Terrorism is just a whole other level of anger management issues. - Thisuri
Wanniarachchi
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. - Urban Saying
Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to
people. It's the least you can do. - Urban Saying
Roses are wilting, Violets are dead, The sugar bowl is empty,and so is your
head. - WeeKittyAndTAT
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense. - Lex
Martin
The greater the pain, the greater the fun. - Leinad Eibam
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square? - Urban Saying
Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out. - Urban Saying
Victoria's got her secrets. Hey, so do I! - Si Robertson
Nobody ever goes to that store to shop because it’s too crowded. - Sol Luckman
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching
during my conversation? - Urban Saying
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. -
Richard Jeni
The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it's a potato with fur. - Urban Saying
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. -
Jackie Mason
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. -
Mark Twain
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Please share this collection of hilarious quotes.
